April 10, 2012

That I might have life...

Sometimes you give up on a few dreams and cross them off your list.  Or you don't pray anymore about something you think you want.  Worse, you pray for less thinking if you compromise He just might come through like prayer and dealing with God is some kind of grand negotiation.  Sometimes, you just transfer hope and work for other things believing that these things will replace what you would really like.

I asked for ALL things so that I might enjoy life.
I was given LIFE so that I might enjoy all things.... 

This was on my favorite birthday card this year, my 44th year.  It means so many things to me.  And I painted it in my journal to remember this special life changing year.  When I got married last year, that was a huge prayer answered and dream come true.  Not to over romanticize marriage and love and all - we get enough of that from movies and music.  But I was on my knees - tearfully, grateful to have met John and just really enjoy a man after so many years of dating.  To be married to him was enough.  And I was thankful -immensely, deeply, thankful.  So when not a month after we were off and married I found myself "with child" I was angry.  I mean, I had cried and mourned the end of this dream, this prayer many years ago.  And happily said to myself that my purpose when it comes to kids was to be the best Aunt I could be to my brothers' children.  And that was good, that was resolved... it took a little time.  But God saw other wise and is in the process of giving me life.  Most days I'm still in shock!  I look forward to the changes ahead of me.  What will this "life" bring? ... to see and enjoy all things?

April 9, 2012

Carol Carter's Watercolor Workshop

About two months ago I signed up to take a weekend workshop with what I consider one of the best watercolor artists around.  The first time I saw the watercolors of Carol Carter in person, my mouth just fell open and I was floored.  This woman knows watercolors.  Her work just really hit me and spoke to me. It was more than a well rendered landscape or still life, there was an emotional impact that just seemed to smack me upside the head.  Fast forward three years later - here I am finally attending one of her workshops.

My main goal for taking her workshop was to bring an emotional quality to my work that I don't usually experience.  Sure I like pretty things that please the eye or make you smile.  But I'm currently striving for something more, something that touches the spirit like a great piece of music.  My goals may be high, but I want my art to touch someone's heart not just match their couch.  Carol does that, and still, I'm not quite sure just how she does it. 

Here's a list of techniques that I had to change in order to open up, widen my watercolor horizons and push myself out of my watercolor comfort zone.

1. Paint bigger - as in a full sheet 22x30 or larger.  I've been so timid about that, but after experiencing her work which is for the most part on a large scale, I see why it's important to push myself here.  I love painting little sketches in my journal or small little flower vignettes, but it's time to make myself uncomfortable.

2. Take your time, be deliberate, think.  - I've been in some kind of hurry, trying to catch up.  My mind set has been having more completed work, because more is better right?   And I think taking the time to work slowly and thoughtfully on a painting is very valuable - especially since I hurry and rush all day.

3. Try new colors and paint straight from the tube - Carol does very little mixing of colors.  And I mix EVERY color. This was really hard for me.  AND, I don't paint so bright.  I paint in a very traditional realistic manner.  Not that there is anything wrong with that, but for me I needed to do this and push myself out of some of my color mixing ruts. 

4. Paint more wet on wet -  Carol does very little layering or dry painting.  She lets the water do it's magic and knows how to coax the water on the paper to move where she likes it.  I love the look of a juicy wet watercolor, but find I needed to be reminded of this lesson because I was getting tighter and tighter in my own work.  One of the BIG strengths of watercolor is the running and moving of the water with pigment.

5. Paint what touches me, what speaks to MY heart - this is a tough one for me, perhaps the toughest because for years I've wanted to earn a living completely by my art.  With the desire to be a full time artist, I think to much about my work and spend too much time on artist sites and blogs comparing myself and painting what I think will sell.  That's not really painting from my heart now is it.  So this one requires a little more thought, a little more paying attention and certain awareness of myself and maybe even my motives.  There are times I think, "Really, another flower?!" but flowers speak to me - especially the ones I've planted from seed, nurtured and watch grow.  I have apologized for my flowers in the past, but no more.  But also, I really need to push myself and paint other subject matter.  Again, Carol does this with a confidence I envy.

The peony painting at the top of the page took me a week to complete.  Working a little every day as time allowed.  Probably three times the amount of time I normally spend on a painting.

This one I worked on in the workshop and I have to say at the time I HATED it.  I was so uncomfortable painting in a method I don't normally do --background first, all wet in wet and piece by piece.  But now, having set it aside and looking at it without all the emotional and uncomfortableness, I kind of like it.

Still working, still trying, still painting.... much like life.

March 23, 2012

The good news is....

She didn't lay on the paintings....  Baby Kitty usually likes to sleep right on my paintings. No respect...  but that's why I love my cat.  Happy Friday.  Hoping for a restful one here in St. Louis myself.

March 21, 2012

Spring is Here.... already?


With the warm weather, I start thinking of flowers, gardening and all the cheerful brightness of spring.  Here's a little peek of a shelf of inspiration I put together until the flowers come out of the ground.  

I painted this old envelope I found in my house.  The house is 120 years old and had lots of old things in it that weren't nearly as cool as this postmarked stamped envelope from 1932.   More details about it are here.  The flowers are ranunculus.  I'm bummed because normally I see bundles of these flowers for sale at Trader Joe's or Whole Foods - but so far none this year.  It still may be too early.  Gosh it's hard to believe it's only March with these near 80 degree days here in St. Louis.  

February 15, 2012

Mid- February in Need of Color

For many years, February hasn't always been my favorite month.  It's a grey-brown month here in St. Louis and I pull out my garden books and do a little dreaming, a little planning.  I think it's because I'm so thirsty for color and green.  This is a floral I painted for my 2012 calender.  I think home grown flowers look best in Blue Ball jars.   

 Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, 
wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; 
there is really no such thing as bad weather,
 only different kinds of good weather. -- John Ruskin

I've copied this quote as much for me as anyone.  Weather does effect me I'm sad to say.  If I see the sunshine in the morning, for some reason my breakfast tastes better and I'm in lighter spirits.  Oh how I wish my moods weren't effected by the seasons, the rain, the dull cold days.  It's a challenge some days to persevere.  But I think that we all have the challenge to not let circumstance -- be it  weather, traffic or even a mosquito bite ruin our day.  This quote reminds me to see my life like weather.  There are just going to be changes -- and really some of the best things in life have come from what I thought were awful.  So the challenge is to get through February not with my head held down counting the days, but up and looking to see and find the good in the day and even in the brown and grey. 

December 19, 2011

My Poster!!!!

I made this print from one of my favorite watercolors and a passage from the Bible that has truth no matter what your belief system. I do believe what you think about day after day definitely plays into your moods and response to life's day to day monotony and even surprises.

Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely or admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - THINK ON THESE THINGS!!!! 
Philippians 4:8

I look at this print and the words remind me to reset my thinking and the watercolor flowers help me to see beauty and change my perspective for the moment. When I've been churning the negative in my head for hours it is time to look up and choose something different to think about.. even if it starts with,

"I will think about this lovely pink peony... the fact that I had a meal today that I didn't have to worry about obtaining... I then think of my friend who called me today and made me laugh... "
you get where I'm going.

Size of the paper is 13"wide x 19" high with the watercolor in the middle with 1.5 inch border around. ETSY link here.

December 14, 2011

Local Christmas Art Event

I had a great time setting up for this event here in St. Louis.  Was a great event for a great cause!

December 10, 2011

2012 Calender

I've put together a beautiful calender for 2012 with twelve of my favorite floral watercolors.  I think this is my favorite one yet.  You can click here, my Etsy shop to purchase or you can always contact me directly here if you prefer.  I hope you like it!!!

 August 2012


Calender Details: Size 8.5" x 5.5", 12 month calender with front and back cover.  $18.00 - which includes shipping!!!

November 5, 2011

Mrs. Kasper's Roses

Don't tell Mrs. Kasper, but I didn't LOVE this painting when I did it 6 years ago.  But after a computer crash scare, I found it, hidden file within file.  And you know what, I kinda like it now.  We artists can sometimes be the harshest critic of our own work.

Rule #I (established years ago, by the way).  If I hate, don't toss it.  Put it away until my emotions settle and that awful internal critic in me is asleep.  Always get back to it.  Because you'll find with fresh eyes, it's not as bad as you thought.  It never is.  Isn't this true of so many things?

September 29, 2011

Think on These Things


Finally, brothers and sisters, 
whatever is true, 
whatever is noble, 
whatever is right, 
whatever is pure, 
whatever is lovely, 
whatever is admirable
—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—
think about such things. 
-- Philippians 4:8

My head has been in that bad space where every thought turns negative, I'm sour, I'm anxious, I'm not the person I want to be.  Sure there's a whole list of things I wish would change in my life and I think if these "things" change, I will be happier, more positive, more....

But I've lived long enough to know that's not how it goes.  You must start from the inside out.  I must choose where my mind lands and where my thoughts go when life isn't going according to my plans and people don't behave in kindness.  It's so hard.  That's why this verse from the Bible is great, mostly because it's true.  Because what you think really can change your outlook and your person and just maybe your circumstance.

Sometimes it's hard for me to conjure up good thoughts when I'm in the midst of ruminating.  So I created this "Think Good Things" spot that is a visual push for me to get out of my negative mindset.

This little corner in my dining room is a little visual sampler of the Philippians Bible verse.  From there I can turn my thoughts on things that are true, honest, noble, praiseworthy and lovely.

September 20, 2011

Master Gardener


"Just as a gardener cultivates his plot, keeping it free from weeds, growing the flowers and fruits, which he requires,
so may a man tend the garden of his mind,
weeding out all the wrong, useless and impure thoughts, and cultivating toward perfection the flowers and fruits of the right, useful, and pure thoughts. 

By pursuing this process, a man sooner or later discovers that he is the master gardener of his soul, the director of his life. 

He also reveals, within himself, the laws of thought, and understands, with ever-increasing accuracy,
how the thought-forces and mind-elements operate in the shaping of his character, circumstance, and destiny." 
 – James Allen As A Man Thinketh



September 13, 2011

Beautiful Garden

A friend called me the other night, in tears and with enough despair and hopeless in her voice that I wanted to cry with her and I did. I have watched my friend suffer from the temper and emotional instability of an extremely ill-equipped manager for the past three years. Her efforts and successes being award her with “you could do better” and there is a constant undertow of threats of being fired. This is a boss that rules with fear and is using the economic downturn to treat her employees with little to no respect. It breaks my heart. She fights the good fight, with head held high most days, but today was one of those days.

I try to help her gain perspective. We recently read and watched The Help together and we were grateful that a bad day at work didn’t mean physical harm like it did for so many African Americans living in the south only 50 years ago. I reminded her that she had more opportunity than most of the world, that she was lucky. She could see she had something to be thankful for… barely. And I felt like such a crummy friend pulling the whole world into her situation. I hate when people do that to me, and I apologized.

All I could do was be sad with her and tell her she really did work for the sickest most damaged woman living in the United States, well, at least in the mid-west. I listened and did so without trying to fix it. I wish I could have fixed it though. Then when she was finished and the tears became just sniffles I told her things I wanted her to hear. And it’s important to wait for the tears to finish, the words of pain to stop spewing and the expletives to disappear before you say anything. No one can hear during that time. It’s like trying to get someone who is puking to eat… sorry to be so growce.

I reminded my friend of who she is and always will be and it went something like this…

You are kind. You make good cookies. You make me laugh everyday. You bring value to my world and anyone who knows you. Basically you have a garden with lots of flowers! All kinds of flowers are in your garden, it is full of color and beauty and there’s no better place.

Here’s to my friend. Your garden is beautiful and no one can change that, not even a crummy boss.

July 31, 2011

Happily Ever After....

I've been a skeptic of "happily ever after" mostly because it always seemed to be associated with finding prince charming, getting married, THEN you you get "happily ever after."   In just 13 days, I get to marry my prince charming.  But I have to say "happily ever after" began before I even met John.  "Happily ever after" came with each friend I made that I could call a kindred spirit, with the ability to paint when I was exhausted from life, work and mean people, with every day I managed to hope.  I guess that now that I'm engaged and soon to be a Missus, I see "happily ever after" in a different light.  You can choose to live "happily ever after" NOW.   Then you meet the guy....

July 23, 2011

Hot Days

Pointillism Flowers
These hot days... all I can do is sit still and move as slowly as possible.  I'm taking my time to finish paintings and even slow down enough to try new things. (like the flowers above)  Not too much thinking today, I get hot doing that too.  I wish I had zinnias to paint, but it looks like I fed a rabbit family this year.  I have sowed at least 5 packs of zinnias and might have five starts to show for it.  But don't get me going because thinking about that gets me hot too.

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